Reminder...Chicken Soup

You can now pre-order the Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrating Mothers & Daughters that my story is in. Or shop for anything else while you're there...if you spend $25, there are no shipping fees.

Free Food Tastes Better

I really meant to eat the food I had brought with me to work today, but when I got an invite from a vendor to kill some time before our meeting, I jumped. I really like Johnny Carino's honey pecan salmon salad and I just don't let myself go for the good stuff when I do go out to lunch. But I figured he's paying, it's an expense he can bill the company, and I haven't had much interaction with web folk lately. It was fun - good work conversation, good food, good change of pace.

A+

Where did my real daughter go?

I don't know what happened but all of a sudden, she loves him. She can't wait to move in with him and can't wait for me to get engaged, and actually said she missed him and wanted to see him after he was gone for work for 5 days.

He and I are in shock, but we're riding this wave and making plans. Buying a house won't fly...just as we were reconsidering after backing out (damn budgets will screw you every time), he gets hit with "my friends have lawyers that say you should be paying me twice the child support that you do." Not a good time to shop. Not that she's even the slightest bit realistic, but there's either going to be an increase in child support or legal fees...either way, there's no house for us. Pisses me off.

Will they ever invent the "me" cereal?

I seem to be incapable of eating cereal as it was created. I want no sugar so I go to the shredded wheat. But then it tastes boring so I have to add Splenda. And even then, it gets soggy before I can finish and I miss my crunch. Add in the crunchy psuedo-healthy cereal (Special-K, Raisin Bran Crunch, anything granola-y). Hmm, needs raisins or bananas thrown in - for the record, those are the only fruits I can bear in cereal...get your fake dried out astronaut strawberries out of my bowl. So now that I'm mixing in the sweetness, I no longer need my Splenda. And there you have it..."me" blend cereal.

Can I patent "create your own cereal" bins at the supermarket? Hey, I think I'm on to something.

I call dibs on the lawn penguins, too! [for the record, Googled it...taken, damnit!)

I'm so gay

Okay, not the homosexual kind of gay, but the gay we used to call kids at school who were really nerdy and tacky. Is that bad or offensive to the real gay community. Uh oh, I don't do contraversy well. We'll find out if anyone actually reads my blog after this one. I ain't skeered! I'm even going to let people post comments. Eh, I can see the cobwebs and hear crickets from the cyber-ghost town now.

Back to me, here's why I'm gay. Because I love my boyfriend! I do, I do! I tell him how much I miss him and how I want to spoon with him and put my head in his chest and hold hands; and I'm happy just to be with him - even when we're not having sex! Can you believe it? Me!

Not that anyone but he and our kids see it. Sure, the friends and family get a sneak peak of the "baby, I love you" talk, but they'll have to be hiding behind the corners or travel through the vortex into my brain to get the girly-giggly "he's so cute and I dream of wearing his pin" stuff. And it'll be a cold day in hell before anyone sees me scribbling Mrs. Helene on my notebook.

Here's what makes me REALLY gay about it, though. I like to cybershop for engagement rings, wedding dresses, reception halls and houses. Even better, I'm studying on a non-profit website about how to make a healthy step-family. But don't tell anyone. I'm not ready to come out of the closet.

My pithy quote on making generalizations

Just because I can't walk in heels, doesn't mean I'm not meant to wear shoes.

What I did on my winter vacation, by me

I spent Christmas week in Manhattan with my daughter, my ex-sister-in-law and my nephew. I definitely spent too much money, tried to see too many sights, and decided my child is too dang demanding.

First off, I'd like to make a stand. It was cold. It was warm for this time of year, you say? Guess what. 50 degrees is still cold when you come from Florida and hate when it goes below 70. Yes, I know, it's warm for NY. However, I stood in the longest line known to mankind just so I could get a 25% discount on an off-Broadway show that turned out to be just a little too mature for my 11 year old.

I did get front row tickets, though. It was nice to have the stage there to protect my legs from getting too far in front of me. Cute show. Now, what do people normally do with their jackets while they're watching a play? Mine was in my way. Good thing people don't throw greasy popcorn on the floor of the theater at plays - that's where my jacket went. It helped keep my feet from having to touch the floor while the stage kept my knees from having too much space. I was impressed with how well groomed the actors nostrils are, too...that was my angle. And by the way, the lady sings out of her mouth sideways.