Something just clicked in my brain this morning. I see the quizzical look on my face, in the reflection of the microwave.

Maybe this is it. Maybe this is my time. Maybe this is what I asked for, back then. It's kind of a coincidence that I'm going through this 10 years later, almost exactly to the month. What were the last 10 years about? I bought 10 years to have my two most
awesome dreams come true.

If you asked me 10 years ago what I would want to experience before I die, it would be motherhood and being thin. Okay, so I was thin all of 15 minutes, but still, I got that. And from the day I recovered from the first round of cancer, I was set on becoming a mom. I got that.

I suddenly look around and see my world as something from an M. Night Shyamalan movie. I flash back through the past 10 years as though they were nothing but two major moments. It's very surreal to me.

Maybe this was my gift; 10 more years. G-d gave me what I wished for, over the course of these 10 years. I can't ask for more, but I want it. There's no internal dialogue of "oh, no that's not what I meant." G-d knows. He knows what I want but it's for Him to
decide. The outlook from the doctors is good. But I know my risks and I know it could take one moment on that operating table. My only last wish is not for more time, but to be gentle with me, whichever direction it goes.