A new life...a life in recovery

So it's been over a year since my last post and things have changed.

A new life in a new home and a new-ish body.

In January of 2010, I returned to Overeaters Anonymous after failing the latest greatest "get thin" attempt and gaining back 15 pounds of a 25 pound weight loss.

It didn't stick. I disappeared again after a month.

Over the next few months, there were two instances of showing up to the parking lot but not making it out of the car.

In August, I felt broken. I could not go an entire day without "screwing up." My leg would literally shake as the obsessive compulsive thoughts drummed away in my head with a repetitive "gotta eat" chant. I knew I was sick.

At 190 pounds, I was far from my heaviest weight of 275, but I never felt fatter. I'd gained back 17 pounds and was well on my way back to 199.

199 was my highest weight since my gastric bypass surgery ten years before and the point where I'd hunted down Chantel, a local mini-celeb in the diet and fitness world, to convince her to take me on as a client. I once swore I'd never be 200 pounds again, so 199 was the "uh oh" moment. With Chantel, I was taught to focus on exercise as the key to everything. If you workout 5-6 days a week, you'll want to eat right. I proved her wrong.

Last August, on a Saturday morning, I walked through the doors of an OA meeting and sat in the back of the room. I cried throughout the entire meeting and spoke to no one.

Having been through eating disorder treatment and done the OA thing 18 years before, I was no stranger to the 12 steps and concepts. I wanted abstinence and I wanted to be happy, joyous and free.

I left that meeting but did not find abstinence that day.

"Keep coming back." That's the phrase we hear over and over in the 12 step rooms. I joke from time-to-time "when in doubt, just say 'keep coming back' if you don't know what to say."

So, I did just that. I came back the following Saturday. And I sat in the back of the room and again cried throughout the entire meeting.

I did not find abstinence.

The following Saturday, I returned. I sat in the back, by myself, and cried for the entire meeting.

When I left that day, I said to myself "don't eat until lunchtime...you can make it until lunchtime." Every few minutes I would look at my watch or a clock and see if it was lunchtime yet.

And then it was lunchtime.

When lunchtime was over, I said to myself "don't eat until dinner."

That day I found my abstinence.

I don't take credit for this miracle. If you really knew me then and even now, you'd know that those words do not come naturally or lightly. I'm not a big one for throwing the typical 12-step spiritual awakening lines out there. But that day, and every one since, I believe that G-d did for me what I could not do for myself.

I've come to believe that recognizing and accepting the spiritual and emotional recovery as what I needed the most help with, G-d took over on my physical recovery that day.

I have had abstinence since August 28th, 2010. My disease manifests in a constant need to eat and graze all day long. For that reason, I chose a food plan of 3 meals a day with no snacking (with an occasional planned snack for scheduling or social situations). I also gave up refined sugar and flour, simply because I'd heard others in the room on that plan.

My food plan has evolved as my strength in program has grown and with the help of a nutritionist. I do eat whole wheat flour and am not 100% anal retentive about whether sugar is the 3rd or 5th ingredient on a label.

I have lost around 45 pounds. I was as addicted to the scale as I was to the food, so I now abstain from compulsive weighing. I weigh-in once a week and put the scale back in the closet. I've found having the scale out is the same as sitting at the table for hours with the snack foods in front of me...if it's there, I want it.

As I mentioned, the emotional and spiritual recovery is as critical for me as the physical. I have been through a number of sponsors through the online resources and meetings. I had some really high expectations so it took me a while to even try to find one. The person had to have lost over 100 pounds, be thin and kept the weight off for 20 years. I met someone like that but when I asked her to sponsor me, she told me she wasn't available and pushed me off to a friend. She'd wanted me to call her and work on assignments from the workbook daily. It was more than I could juggle and didn't fit. She lost her abstinence while we were working together and that wasn't comfortable for me. After a month or so, I let her know I couldn't keep up and didn't want to waste her time, so we amicably parted ways.

Finally, I met someone who didn't meet all my requirements - she hadn't lost all the weight yet and hadn't been in program 20 years. However, I related to her personally and found that she "got it" when it came to her program and her sanity. She'd stood up for a 9 month chip at one meeting, then she spoke at the next, and at the next meeting she'd been "stepped up" - meaning she could now sponsor all 12 steps.

I took a chance and asked her if she'd sponsor me. It's a sponsorship and relationship that works for me...I get the guidance I need without the pressure of daily call and assignment due dates. She is as busy as I am and leads a similar "single professional working mom" lifestyle and gets it. We text message.

I'm working my program and the steps. Today, I'm on Step 6. I've learned a lot about myself, and let go of the idea that I don't have emotions and am superwoman strong. I've come to realize that my anxiety and other fears have dominated my life and are what I need most to address for my recovery.

Abstinence is not easy every day, but most days it is. My relationship with G-d has been a matter of "acting as if" and practice. It's become more natural for me to have an internal conversation about surrendering and letting G-d handle what I can not.

Have the promises come true yet? No, but I have faith that they will. Recovery is a journey and I'm grateful to be on the road.

Serendipity

If you somehow come across this post on this blog unknown to you, take it as a sign that it was meant for you to read this.

So you would have no regrets as you did for all those years before we "found" each other again, you said "I love you, Helene" as you said goodbye. Responding to that would have been selfish on my part, so I let your words become our final words.

I hope and believe that, in your heart and mind, you know...I love you, too.

Gratitude Has A Following

As a daily reminder to myself, I began posting "gratitude" messages as my status on Facebook. It turns out that these are much more appreciated than status updates about what I'm working on, watching on TV, planning to do for the day or thinking for a moment.

It just occurred to me that if my brief status update of gratitude can get people going, then imagine what can be done with a full blog post.

Firstly, here's my disclosure statement. Reread my first sentence and you'll see my gratitude messages were intended as daily reminders to myself. So in writing these blog posts, I'm hoping to push myself even further into remembering to be grateful for my life and the people, places and things in it.

If you happen to come across my blog or status update, and it affects you in some way, then that's just icing on the cake. I hope that it may inspire you to do the same and pass the feelings on to someone else.

Now, I can't promise that I'm any different or better than some of the awesome inspirational and self-motivating blogs or websites out there. I can only promise that I'm sharing my own thoughts and feelings and hopes, and that I do hope to affect someone else in a positive way, every so often.

It's been awhile...

Over four months have passed since my last post so I wonder if I have let too much of my rollercoaster of emotions slip by undocumented. If this blog is a time capsule of where I've been, are there some blackouts? Or maybe it was just so much of the same sentiment as the last post written that nothing new could be said.

It's true that I have hovered over the borderline between "over it" and "but, what if," for a very long time. But as I inch closer to moving back to my own home, I feel more hopefulness towards my new beginning than avoiding the ending. I'm truly looking forward to "what if's" of my future and letting go of him, without hate and resentment.

Spending time with someone new has reminded me of what I knew when I had chosen to leave so many months ago...that I could laugh again, that I would feel passion again, that just being myself could be impressive enough.

Who knows where this will go or if it'll go past today. I may have moments of reflection that pulls me back for an instant, but hope has always driven me forward and I have many more moments of hope these days.

It just feels good to feel good again.

The Truth

The truth is that love doesn't just go away overnight because you're angry with a person and it doesn't just stop because you want it to.

The truth is that I'm still glad to see his car in the lot when I pull in.

The truth is that I try to find excuses to talk to him during the day.

The truth is that I miss his looking at me, smiling and sighing.

The truth is that I would do anything to turn back the clock and not know some of the things I now know and have learned some of the other things a bit sooner.

The truth is that I wish I could have let go when I really needed to...let go of my ego, let go of my resentment, let go of my defenses.

The truth is that I hate what he did, but I don't hate him.

The truth is that I would do things so much differently despite how hard I believed I worked at this, and despite his being so much to blame.

The truth is that it hurts to sit beside him in the car and not hold his hand.

The truth is that I long to feel him spooning me when I lay in bed at night.

The truth is that knowing I will love again doesn't make this pain go away.

The bell that ends the match

Should I stay or should I go was answered for me when the text message came in "Helene, u should know that we never had sex but guess he thinks like Clinton. Can do other stuff but as long as it's not that, he did nothing wrong."

In one simple text message, this woman who was seeing my fiance behind my back for almost four months gave me what the man who claimed he loved me and wanted to marry me did not...closure. I begged him for the truth - begged him to lay it on the line for me, letting him know I needed his brutal honesty to help me move on, to please do it for me. Again, he swore nothing happened, not even a kiss.

It's painful to learn that it was worse than Clinton...this insecure and egotistical weak man picked up a woman at a bar where his band played and pursued her romantically. The oral sex was just icing on the cake, I suppose. He said all the right things a woman wants to hear, made all the romantic gestures, sent love letters and poems, left notes for her with the hostess of the restaurant she was going to with friends. He PURSUED her, it wasn't something that happened at the heat of the moment or during a drunken night out. He went out looking for a relationship.

The truth is that I had been looking to leave for a long time, two months in fact. I'd been out with a realtor and confided in a few friends that I would be leaving him when I found the right home. But as soon as he told me he thought it was over, I tried to restore hope...the fighter in me jumping up from the mat for a few last punches. And he was questioning his decision, I could see it. Yet, he was still holding back and I knew that if he truly were still in love with me and didn't have someone else, that he would've fallen for it. The point that he was still resistant, combined with his history of cheating at the end of his previous two major relationships with justification stories behind it, told me that something was going on.

I did my homework...only too well. Sometimes it's better not to know the whole truth because it can haunt you. So a couple of my friends had told me to stop digging, and have given me an "I told you so" since. But for me, as much as this hurts, I needed to know the truth. A fighter needs to hear the bell to give themselves permission to stop trying to get up.

The text message was the bell that ended the match. I'm feeling my bruises and questioning my moves but I'll heal and move on. I didn't intend my romantic life to be a death match. I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Should I stay or should I go? It should have never been questioned, after I'd made my own decision two months ago. The only decision left to make is where to and how soon.

Back to Movie Logic

Sometimes being analytical and logical can be a bad thing. In this case, sometimes means in matters of the heart. Try to break down your relationship into what works and doesn't work, your compatibility and flexibility, your desires and goals for the future and you may find that it's great on paper. You may also find that it sucks on paper. But what happens when it falls short in the mathematical equation of a good relationship and your heart won't let you hear it?

The logical part of the brain - the left side - tells you run, run for the hills! But the feeling, creative, imaginative part - the right side - tells you he loves you and you love him and anything is possible when there's love. Can you figure out that it's those right brained folks that write those beatiful romance novels?

That right side of my brain wants so badly to take the shotgun to the left side of my head and kill the hope. My right side sees hope and love and romance and movie moments. But my dang left side is ruining the movie!

Having read the books on making movies, it's always after the lowest moment in the relationship, the biggest fuck up or betrayal or disappointment, that makes it possible for the reunion so much more joyous. Without the low point in the movie, the high point or resolution can't exist as a contrast.

So there's some logic in a movie formula. For the best moments of your life to exist, you have to know the worst by comparison. No one could understand the true joy and meaning my daughter brings to me without understanding what it felt like to hear I would never have children. No one would understand the relief of the clean bill of health from a regular checkup without understanding the fear of being told I have cancer.

Logic in the movie would say that I would find no greater romantic love than the rediscovery of the great love that was lost.

But here's the analyst coming. This is not a movie. This is life. Life has taught me that movie logic is an escape, not a reality. How many times has my life worked out to the formula of a movie? How often does a man or woman truly change the parts of themselves that cause the conflict, in real life, as opposed to the movies?

And the logical, analytical woman leaves the theater and heads back to real life. She wonders why life can't be like a movie and gets stuck in "analysis paralysis."

Analysis paralysis in business is where you can’t make any forward progress because you bog yourself down in details, tweaking, brainstorming, research and … anything but just getting on with it. Sound familiar?

Here's where I am today...the details are bogging me down from the "should I stay or should I go" decision. Why? Because the two freaking sides of my brain are at war with each other! In the immortal words of Sandy in Grease..."my head is saying 'fool, forget him. My heart is saying don't let go...'"

Ergo, analysis paralysis. Stupid movies!

Just Breathe

My heart aches and the survivor in me tries to find a way to stay afloat, to keep hope alive. But sometimes, in love, hope is what leads women to do stupid things.

We hope the person we love unconditionally will love us back the same way, but that's not always the case. We hope if we try harder or give more of ourselves that the other person will, too; but often no effort comes from him, only blame. We hope that they can't live without us and we are destroyed to find they can. We hope that the text messages are from a friend, knowing they're likely from someone more. We hope that love conquers all, knowing perfectly well it doesn't.

What would I do if I got there...

So I killed a day in line at a Biggest Loser casting call, and it was the first time in my life that I thought I might be too thin. It was also the first time that I lied about my weight by stating it a few pounds heavier than I am.

Anyway, my group interview randomly asked questions to individuals:
1 - why do you want to do this?
2 - what will you do when you're thin?
3 - what has being overweight prevented you from doing?

I got the "why do you want to do this" question and I don't think I picked my best story, but it was truthful. A great big "once and for all, reach the finish line" type of answer...I totally should've played the cancer card.

But here's where I'm going, I had plenty of time to think about my answers to these 3questions, while 10 people were being interviewed before me. And most of my honest answers revolved around having the confidence to pursue things.

So this morning, I'm thinking about whether it's really not being thin that's preventing me from pursuing a better, happier life or if it's just my lack of confidence. Do I really need to be on a reality show to reach the finish line with this? Or do I want those things bad enough to do what I've got to do?

It's not wanting to be thin, it's those things that I see coming with being thin. It's the confidence to say I'm good enough and people will like what I have to say and listen. It's the confidence to say "yeah, I did it and so can they" and feel worthy of inspiring others. That's what I would want to do if I were thin...I'd want to write and speak and motivate and inspire others. Not just to lose weight, but to believe in THEIR own power and ability. To have faith in life working out and the ability to make things happen, and their power to control it.

But the problem is that if I don't believe in my own power, how could I motivate others to take control of their lives and find their power?

Today is the day I need to take control of my life and find my "once and for all" and have the confidence to know that I can make it happen.

I can always record myself on video, too, if I feel the need for a reality show, and I just might.

Stay tuned...

Bitch Tits

I just finished reading...well, listening to "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea" on CD. If you've read the book, get the audio version, you have to hear her read it the way she hears it in her own mind.

Oh, the title of this post...that's her term of endearment for her father. Makes me want to make up some loving nicknames for my own family members.

This one's for Snot Flicker!

Untitled Nonsense - Dedicated to Gayle, My One Loyal Reader

So how does one get their sense of humor back?

I used to pride myself on being funny. Now, I wasn't the funniest in the bunch. Over the years, I came across plenty of folks funnier than I am, but still I knew I had a great sense of humor and was good at making people laugh.

I just don't feel like the funny girl anymore. Where the hell did my sense of humor go? When did I start censoring myself to cracking a joke here and there rather than going for it at every opportune moment?

I know, let's blame it on my significant other. It's all his fault. If a lacking sense of humor is contagious, and I've spent enough time with him to catch any disease he may be carrying, this seems like a valid diagnosis. That bastard.

Do you think if I swab my nostrils with some Zicam I'll be funny again...or is the homeopathic stuff not strong enough for this symptom.

Hey, there's something to move us along. It's a symptom, not a disease. So if my sluggish sense of humor is a symptom, what the heck is the problem...and what's the cure?

So let's go to the whiteboard that House uses to come up with a diagnosis.

Symptoms

Sluggish sense of humor


Okay, so House usually just has one symptom on the board to start with. If you fast forward on the DVR, you'll get to some other symptoms. Let's FF.

Insert White Board Here

Symptoms

Sluggish sense of humor
Annoyed easily
Poor eating


Hmmmm, seems to me like House would now diagnose me with depression or some kind of personality disorder. That is, until I started puking blood and sweating from my toenails.

OMG, I have a rash! There's something really going on here...back to the whiteboard!

Symptoms

Sluggish sense of humor
Annoyed easily
Poor eating
Rash on belly


Crap, just remembered...I ran out of my fragrance free fabric softener last week and had to do a load with the pretty smelling stuff.

Cross out "rash on belly." Wish I knew HTML for cross outs.

Symptoms

Sluggish sense of humor
Annoyed easily
Poor eating
Rash on belly

G-d I love Google!

Anyway, since Gayle's 70% effaced and her cervix is as open as a fingertip, and I want to get there in time for the delivery of my goddaughter, I'll FF to the end of this episode of House.

It's a personality disorder, in the end. But my significant other's. His personality is draining me of my joy and and my sense of humor. I really have it in me to be funny, and it's about time for me to come back to me and not relying on his attitude towards me to determine my own happiness.

Someday soon, I'm going to be really happy again...and he will have missed the chance to have my contagiousness spread the joy to him.

Wait, not nice to blame. Someday soon, I'm going to be really happy again...and it will be a result of my choosing happiness despite circumstances around me!

Natural-ish - Bioidentical Hormones, Here We Come

So maybe I should've mentioned that I was thinking my "I hate everything" attitude might be attributed to hormonal imbalances.

Over a year ago, I told my doctor that I was concerned by all the negative things I'd been reading about hormone replacement therapy, having been on it for over six years. I inquired about something more natural, as I'd been advised by my fiance's uncle, a homeopathic professional. Dr. C told me a little bit about bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, but not much. He referred me on to an OBGYN that was working with bioidentical hormones.

Due to a lack of time or maybe a lack of desire to take more time out of work to go to one more doctor's appointment, I blew it off for over a year.

Then, I was venting to a friend at work and expressed "I just don't feel any joy in my life." She responded that she felt the same way, after her hysterectomy.

Now picture me with a great big giant hand slapping me in the forehead. With the other symptoms telling me that the old hormone replacement therapy wasn't quite working like it used to, it's a good possibility that my lack of joy and emotional spillage stems from homonal issues.

Yada yada yada, on Thursday I met with the OBGYN, and Friday morning I picked up the bioidentical hormone replacement cream from the compounding pharmacist. The doctor said to wait until after the weekend, when I felt more symptoms, so I can feel the difference. I've got the hot flashes at work now, but I'm not sure it's strong enough. Either way, I'll start the cream on Monday and hope for the best.

I met with the doctor on Thursday

Moving Foward

So I acknowledge that I've been in a funk. What kind of funk, you ask? The kind where everything sucks. You hate everybody you talk to ("except you, of course" must always be included in your conversation if you ever convey this out loud to someone) and you hate everything you have to do in your life. You hate when something doesn't go your way, and you hate when something good happens to someone bad.

Not you...I. I hate all that. Well, I have been hating all that.

Now, I'm trying to move forward; trying to push myself to be more positive. Well, not "more" positive. Just positive.

I'm not uber-trying or playing "The Secret" in my life. I just have been giving myself little reminders to "take it back" when I have a negative thought. So maybe not so much trying to be positive as I'm trying not to be so negative.

Deep thoughts, eh?

More to come...

Back to life

Forgive me father, it's been almost one year since my last blog post.

My mind constantly spins with random racing thoughts of where I am and where I should be; what I'm doing and what I could be doing; and how do I get where I should be to be doing what I could be doing?

Doesn't this kind of remind you of that speech from "Say Anything," when Diane's father asks John Cusack's character, Lloyd Dobbler, what he wants to do after school. Lloyd tells him "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

I feel the same way.

But seriously, folks...when you're not happy with what you do everyday, yet not quite sure what would make you happy outside of winning the lottery, what's the best plan of action to take? Blogging, of course!

So here I am, bringing this blog back to life. Yeah, there's some older stuff that is irrelevant to where I'm going now, but I didn't feel like starting a whole new blog. Dearest reader, don't bother moving backwards...it's boring and counteractive to my point. Moving forward, that's the point.

Day 4 Chocolate-Free, Day 2 Secret Society

Today is my fourth day that I am not eating chocolate...not that there's anything wrong with it. But, I'm free and don't need to be eating chocolate to make it through the day. Notice how I snuck a bit of The Secret in there.

After bashing the CDs, I'm doing it. I'm reprogramming my subconscious to follow along with my conscious decision to affirm that I'm a smart, beautiful, talented, rich woman with great entrepreneurial spirit, amassing my fortunes while the pounds melt away, since I have such a strong metabolism and am a dedicated health-conscious gymrat who loves drinking lots of water and eating high fiber, low fat, sugar free nutrious meals.

Holy Cannoli - My Early Review of The Secret

I'm on the second CD of the 4-CD set of The Secret on Audio. I have no idea how this can last for four whole CDs, when they're just saying the same thing over and over. This woman has proved her theory, though. She convinced herself she could make millions and generate a worldwide following with this "secret" of using the laws of attraction to get what she wanted...and she did. Listen, watch, read...and pay attention. All she does is repeat the same idea over and over; and isn't even creative about the way she phrases herself.

Here's the big secret folks...you think about it, believe it is right now (not that it will be later, but it is today) and it comes true. Want to be rich, tell yourself you're rich. Want to have a perfect body? Picture you in a perfect body, tell yourself you have a perfect body and you will attract a perfect body. Want to meet your mate? Believe the right mate is out there and he is on his way to you, and he'll appear.

I won't go on, I'll keep listening...I believe this works. I am brilliant, rich, gorgeous, satisfied, in love, happy, thin and having a great time.

And that's the way we became the Brady Bunch (-3 boys and 1 girl)

I don't have much time, but I've got to get it down. I'm marrying the most romantic man on this planet!

First he surprises me at work to take me to lunch - too bad I was already hanging out at the mall since my car was being serviced. He caught up with me though, and we had a lovely food courtship. Back at the office, I saw the roses and balloon he brought me with the gift bag that included a few chocolates and an adorable special edition Grease CD with a cute leather jacket around it.

I have to tell you that all day long I hoped and prayed that I would get the ring but was pretty much convinced it wasn't happening. I even talked about it with my boss's secretary that I would be completely surprised if it did happen.

So I kept trying to guess where we were going for dinner, but I would never have guessed Cafe Bella Sera, since I'd never heard of it. But it was romantic, the food was delicious and we owe tremendous thanks to Pete and his staff for pulling this off without a hitch.

He had a big bag this time, when met at his house, but I wasn't allowed to look in it until after dinner. Finally, I read the beautiful 2nd card of the day that talked about how we were "meant to be." It was a heavy bag, so I knew it wasn't the ring. Inside was a digital photo frame...funny part is I'd been shopping online to get him one for about a week before I gave up and went with a traditional engraved photo album. So this photo frame he gave me is awesome, but my heart sank a little.

We waited what seemed like forever for the waiter to bring the dessert tray before he gave up on holding it in and told me if the waiter shows up while he's in the restroom, just to order the tiramisu.

I should mention that he had said "no phones tonight" earlier. Well he heads to the bathroom and I start to text my cousins with "digital photo frame...no jewels" and before I could hit send, he's running back to me yelling "I said no phones." I quickly shut the phone as the waiter is behind him with dessert.

The waiter places the dessert on the table and I was so excited to see it and exclaimed "you pre-ordered dessert?!" It took me about 20 seconds before I saw the most incredibly perfect engagement ring sitting around a cinnamon stick on the top of the cake. OH MY G-D!!!! I screamed it over and over as the other patrons stared.

He took out a poem he'd written, then got down on one knee to read it, about how he'd known from the start, how in love he is with me, how he wants to make a family with he and I, the girls and even Scrappy Doo! It ended with "will you marry me?" and I screamed yes and the room applauded, and the waiters were taking photos with his camera (that he'd left earlier with the ring). Then the hostess had to remind him to put the ring on my finger.

My cheeks were hurting by the time we came home, but there was more. While I text messaged away downstairs, he'd prepared the bedroom with rose petals on the bed, candlelight, more flowers, a big gigantic balloon, and set up my digital photo frame that was stocked with my and his pictures from the past year, and it played songs - Crazy for you (which I sang on his karaoke at home), Open Arms, Danny's Song (which I'd sang at Crabby's for him) and Regina Spektor's Fidelity which I haven't been able to stop singing lately.

I'm soooooooo happy, and can't wait to show the world and can't wait to start our life together. Sigh, I'm such a girl.

They're here, they're here!!!

The woman on the phone told me that my books would be released March 1 and I should receive them within a week from there. Well, they showed up yesterday, just a few days after I placed the order!

I got one free Chicken Soup for writing it (with lovely stick-on label of autographs for the main contributers - Jack Canfield and the gang). Then, with my discount, I ordered 10 more to give out. Yep, pretty much just spent what I earned for my story in there. With my discount, and after shipping, basically I pay the same thing you would on Amazon. I think I saved a dollar.

And like the superstar I think I am, I autographed the copy I gave my daughter. She told me she was choked up when she read the inscription - later I learned she wasn't able to read my handwriting for all the words. Pretty funny.

Scroll down to the post below this to see my little ad for Chicken Soup for the Soul - Celebrating Mothers and Daughters (and to click through straight to the page on Amazon that sells the book).

For Rachel,

My greatest inspiration, my love and my life.

All my love,
Mommy

Reminder...Chicken Soup

You can now pre-order the Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrating Mothers & Daughters that my story is in. Or shop for anything else while you're there...if you spend $25, there are no shipping fees.

Free Food Tastes Better

I really meant to eat the food I had brought with me to work today, but when I got an invite from a vendor to kill some time before our meeting, I jumped. I really like Johnny Carino's honey pecan salmon salad and I just don't let myself go for the good stuff when I do go out to lunch. But I figured he's paying, it's an expense he can bill the company, and I haven't had much interaction with web folk lately. It was fun - good work conversation, good food, good change of pace.

A+