What would I do if I got there...

So I killed a day in line at a Biggest Loser casting call, and it was the first time in my life that I thought I might be too thin. It was also the first time that I lied about my weight by stating it a few pounds heavier than I am.

Anyway, my group interview randomly asked questions to individuals:
1 - why do you want to do this?
2 - what will you do when you're thin?
3 - what has being overweight prevented you from doing?

I got the "why do you want to do this" question and I don't think I picked my best story, but it was truthful. A great big "once and for all, reach the finish line" type of answer...I totally should've played the cancer card.

But here's where I'm going, I had plenty of time to think about my answers to these 3questions, while 10 people were being interviewed before me. And most of my honest answers revolved around having the confidence to pursue things.

So this morning, I'm thinking about whether it's really not being thin that's preventing me from pursuing a better, happier life or if it's just my lack of confidence. Do I really need to be on a reality show to reach the finish line with this? Or do I want those things bad enough to do what I've got to do?

It's not wanting to be thin, it's those things that I see coming with being thin. It's the confidence to say I'm good enough and people will like what I have to say and listen. It's the confidence to say "yeah, I did it and so can they" and feel worthy of inspiring others. That's what I would want to do if I were thin...I'd want to write and speak and motivate and inspire others. Not just to lose weight, but to believe in THEIR own power and ability. To have faith in life working out and the ability to make things happen, and their power to control it.

But the problem is that if I don't believe in my own power, how could I motivate others to take control of their lives and find their power?

Today is the day I need to take control of my life and find my "once and for all" and have the confidence to know that I can make it happen.

I can always record myself on video, too, if I feel the need for a reality show, and I just might.

Stay tuned...