Inspiration

So often over the years, I've been told I'm an inspiration for my strength. I'd never felt it though. It was easy to be strong, I had no choice. There was no fighting, there was just allowing doctors to do what they needed to and my going through the motions. I didn't have to work that hard or push myself, I just showed up when and where they told me and continued on with the rest of my life as best I could. I suppose I could've become a basket case and shut off the world and stopped going through the motions...I've seen that happen. That's just not me, that didn't come naturally. Following what I'm told is "right," that's me. But I digress.

What do I find an inspiration? The people that go through those motions but do have a choice; that don't "have to" fight for their life or show up, in order to stay alive. They have a plan, a schedule, a set of rules and guidelines for keeping themselves healthy and fit. They go to the gym, without questioning whether the "feel like it" or not. They eat when they're hungry and stop, even when not full, because they know what's appropriate. They drink lots of water, no coffee, don't smoke and take vitamins and supplements. And there's no question or complaint or options. It's just their lifestyle, not a phase or means to an end.

I want that. I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to wake up and do what's the best for my health without feeling it's a chore. I want to just go to the gym without mentally justifying not going; and be one of those people that actually enjoys it, not who stares at the clock, hoping it's almost over. I want to eat a serving and not wonder where, when and what I'm going to eat next. I want to enjoy what I eat, but without issues.

But I am who I am, though I can attempt to adjust and work on improving myself. However, I will continue to admire and find inspiration in those that do live the lifestyle without question or contempt. Because as long as I have to get my ass to the gym, and fight for my body to stay healthy and get in shape, then there will always be question and contempt.