That Wild Hair Again

My list of male prospects has whittled down to almost none. Every now and then, I get a call from a guy I went out with a few times, last month. However, he seems to neglect to ask me out, or we end up fighting. The man just doesn't know how to flirt. Yet, I like him. Don't ask me why, some spark is just unexplicable.

I decided that it's just not going to happen as a relationship, and nothing's really taking off with anyone else, so it's time to give in and allow the bootie call. A tentative date is planned and the majority of that day goes by with no confirmation or follow-up call. A cutie gives me a call and asks me on a first date. I accept.

Bad state of mind to go into with for a first date. My mind is on the bootie call, i.e., sex; and I'm bored with the lack of excitement in my dating life. I'm an easy target. The guy who asked me out is very cute, but I just didn't find a spark on the phone. He's an absolute sweetheart, but the flirtation is missing. I need fire and teasing and banter. I actually decided before I went out with him, that if he were cute but I felt no potential, that "I'd do him."

That's awful, eh? It gets worse. He's as sweet as pie, tells me right off the bat that I'm cuter than my pictures and we sit and talk for two hours. No, actually, he talks for two hours, but that's irrelevant here. No potential and he's adorable. So when he asks to kiss me, things start looking up. Fast forward through a "your place or mine" scenario and we're on my bed. He told me straight out that he was still interested in seeing me and pursuing this, that the first date sex made no difference to him. He left it to me to make the call and let him know if I were still interested.

I won't drag this post on. I learned something new about myself, that night. For all the complaining my friends and I may do about the superficiality of men not wanting us chubby chicks, I found myself relating. I can not believe that I would actually make a decision based on a man's penis size. But I did. If we had met taken our time and fallen in love first, size wouldn't matter. However, that's not how it happened. He was great with his mouth, but if oral sex were enough, I'd be a lesbian.

I feel so guilty, but I also know I can't continue to date a man because I feel guilty over not wanting to date him. You live, you learn.